It IS an agony here....

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Hi True Nature Centre,

Your current email is very concise and seemingly implicit. A progressive 'way' to realise my true nature, without being too smart. I really wonder about the paucity of it, the inevitability, as it seems, of waking up.

I find myself placing attention and trying to place attention in That (who I am)... seemingly "achieving" the result of self realisation and even imagining that I know what the result should look like. It has become an often agonising experience to find myself unable to achieve and yet, imagining that it doesn't matter, anyway. Therefore, I may as well achieve and find myself attached, finally, to the result, somehow, placing a bet both ways that as this mythical presence (that seems so ever-present, but often useless to me) remains mythical and seems unproved, it is just "me". After all, this space... emptiness... doesn't yield... I "know" I am that from previous experiences and yet seem SO backward now as if the whole thing was a dream game played out to relieve the stress of being me rather than a REALITY. Even now, writing to you is just a wanton attempt to reassure myself that there may be another way as my worldly results are just so dodgy. It is more like an insurance package rather than reality and my attempts to make this "insurance" work are just so painful.

It is an agony here.

I imagine that this is where it’s supposed to lead me and yet, I also imagine that this imagination is just another manipulative desire as I fail to make a decision or decisions that could lead (me?) to the truth. Failure is that which dogs me... self hatred as the indulgence of this awful knower... and then the easy relief of the cooling thoughts that say "it's OK". It is all leading the way it should, the way it has to—the way it is.

Experiencing so much fear, trapped seemingly here in this void of knowing and un-knowing... knowing nothing and finally finding a relief here.... and then no relief at all.

The drama and the difficulty; understanding that to struggle means to be this "me"... So complicated/so easy and that's again the minds frustration.

This is my first email to you; I don't know if these get forwarded to Elysha or Julie. I have browsed through your website and have taken a look at Julie's "Simple Shortcut to Inner Peace and Joy: Living Your True Nature" e-course. I feel a bit nauseated at the idea of doing something more and once again I realise the reactivity of nausea... I don't know.... I get very tired of all this stuff to get there(!) and yet obviously not tired enough.

And why write this?

Maybe you can tell me.

Thank you.

---

Dear One,

Please excuse the delay in getting back to you. We are currently in the States and do not have a lot of time on our hands to be on the Internet.

Thank you for taking the trouble of attempting to convey the frustrations you are experiencing. Yes, it can certainly be very exasperating. You have aptly described the ongoing deliberations of a mind that seeks to gain a handle (and control) of something that is beyond the mind. Indeed, this is a painful process. Your integrity is revealed through your deliberations and is heartening to see. It is through such a process (as you are experiencing at present), that you begin to awaken to the subtleties of what it is to be your true nature. This entails surrendering feeding the activity that keeps us so bound to it.

Remembering who you are is truly a very simple matter and is always standing freely for anyone to awaken to in every and any moment that they wish to. The difficulty and pain arise only from believing yourself to be stuck with the intricacies of a mind that has you believing whatever it tells you. There is no way around any of this, which is very frustrating for the mind. We either choose, in our daily living, on a momentary basis, to see and be that we are already what we have always been; or we choose to believe ourselves to be less than that.

Although each one of us is already free of the mind (which is an extremely large and complicated landscape), it is still in each individual’s capacity to realise this. Julie’s e-course, A Simple Shortcut to Inner Peace & Joy: Living Your True Nature, is designed to speed up this process for anyone who desires to do so. You know firsthand, just how complicated your mind can be. Therefore, you will appreciate how wonderful it is to receive such clear guidance to be free from the mind.

Peace be with you,

Elysha & Julie

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Comments

[Colleen Loehr]

I found reading this interchange to be very helpful. Thank you!