Thank you for your reply.
Hell and purgatory were my main course. Now, I am hoping that dessert will get a little sweeter (if I create it thus). I had a very dark side that comprised disregard and even despise for humanity, brought on by certain betrayals in life. It was there as my reflection and I felt in my heart a cold hard blade of steel like a Zen monk-turned-warrior. This was not leading me anywhere. However, to a large extent, I am out of that now. I wish I could work with you working towards this but I don’t know how to. I certainly feel that I need help. At the same time, I feel unworthy (mercy is a word I need in the dictionary of my heart, towards myself). I have done very little as far as your recommendation to focus sustained attention behind the eyes or practice the sound of silence as Julie prescribes in A Simple Shortcut to Inner Peace & Joy: Living Your True Nature E-Course.
I would like to ask you if I should do some homework before asking your help? The last time I experienced moments of grace in any totality was a good year-and-a-half ago, where ‘oneness’ and heart met in peace. Since then, a sense of peace is the only touchdown that comes unasked sometimes and I experience a general sense of absence of involvement with my family in its joys and sorrows.
I don’t feel so heavy but something has to change. I feel profoundly lost as far as ‘being here’ is concerned. This is for certain. Hope this conveys why I got in touch with you.
Warm regards to you both,
All your heartaches (and healings), feelings, ups and downs are understandable from the point of view of the experiences that you have decided to put yourself through in this life.
There is certainly nothing wrong in any of the experiences that we choose for ourselves, however wonderful, obnoxious, happy or foolish they may be. We can create whatever we like for ourselves in any of our physical lives. This is part of the beauty of being here as what we really are.
Our understanding of who we are is another matter, entirely. It is not something that we need to learn. It has always been (and will always be) a matter of remembering, which is why it is something that needs to be done from one moment to the next. Any moment of forgetting leaves us in the predicament of believing ourselves to be something that is significantly less than what we are. As a result of this, we tend to experience things that we would rather not experience.
You have been given very specific tools to use in order to remember who you are and to tune in to the beauty of your true nature. The more you use these tools, the more you will consciously awaken to the joy and grandeur of what you are. It is an ever-growing adventure, not to be missed by any one.
Yes, we understand what spurred you to get in touch with us. However, as you already perceive, it is always a matter of what you want for yourself. As far as being here and remembering who you are is concerned, this is something only you can do and you must do this consciously, one moment at a time. Use the tools we have given in the form of the books, audios, meditations and the E-Course, and you will undoubtedly find peace.
You are already what you are—the divine ‘oneness’ itself. Continue to bring this to the forefront of your life and change will naturally happen.
Hope this helps.
Peace and our love to you,