Although nothing was outwardly “wrong” with my life, I had trust issues, as if there was something that wasn’t right and that was affecting how I felt about myself and my life. It was affecting me to the point where I was feeling very depressed and after visiting the doctor I even began taking anti-depression drugs to curb these deep feelings of unhappiness.
I felt as if something needed healing so I could get on with my life fully and happily without that undeniable nagging feeling that “something is wrong!”
This interest in finding healing for this “thing” lead me to many spiritual and self-help books, spiritual teachers, and new-age workshops. I spent about 3 years trying all kinds of things but despite some nice and some inspiring moments, and although I began to feel full of spiritual ideas, I was basically left feeling very lost and ungrounded.
Elysha’s Strength and Groundedness
I knew I needed something solid to help me find what was real. At that point, I met Elysha whose qualities of strength and groundedness were exactly what I needed. With Elysha’s message of “being right here” and the structured routine the Ashram had at the time of meditation and teaching for several hours each day, I found that I slowly came “out of the clouds”.
To this day I am so grateful for that! I felt so pleased to have a teacher and a teaching in my life that I could trust, and this became the centre of my life.
With my trust issues and feeling shaky in myself after becoming so lost in my own search, I trusted Elysha and the teaching more than I trusted myself. Over the previous years I felt I had actually lost all trust in my own judgement of what is right. Although this sounds disempowering, I am now very pleased for this process as it was a breaking down that occurred within me. All the old ideas about my life, myself, and spirituality were broken down.
Re-evaluation of My Trust Issues
I was then able to re-evaluate where I wanted to place my trust and release the trust issues I had.
Some big changes occurred in our group in Dec 2007, when Elysha’s partner Julie underwent a complete falling away of the self (she had previously awoken in 2003). Julie began sharing her insights and my understanding and knowing of who I am emerged.
Instead of relying on a teacher, the responsibility of being who I am was now clearly my own. Of course, the company of the group was still immensely valuable. Just to be in the company of others who are also being who they are is a pleasure and is something that is always deepening and growing.
It felt so good to find my connection to my heart; to the me that is real. I no longer felt lost as I had before. With the knowing of who I am, I could now place my trust in this and in my heart. With this my confidence and strength slowly built up and I stand on my own two feet again.
I will be grateful forever to Elysha and Julie for everything they have shared and contributed to my life.